Richard Marles

“I reject as outrageous any suggestion that I have used the RAAF as my own personal taxi service in my role as Minister for Defence. Now if you’ll excuse me Mr Speaker, I’m running late for my weekly trivia night at a pub in the Maldives.”
– Richard Marles, Hansard, April 1, 2023

Richard Marles is the Member for Corio and currently the Minister for Defence, and the Deputy Prime Minister.

Marles is often mistaken for his identical twin brother Craig Emerson (of Whyalla Wipeout fame) because he has a similarly gormless expression, ineffectual nature, and a permanent shit-eating grin.

This has proved challenging for Marles in the serious and sombre portfolio of Defence, although Labor Party strategists believe it will be a positive in the long run, given all the war crimes Australian soldiers have committed in the past few decades.

But don’t let Marles’ part-time Bunnings worker persona fool you – as a graduate of Geelong Grammar, the most elite school in the country, Marles is a shrewd, nakedly ambitious operator… and if that’s maybe overstating things somewhat, then he knows lots of Old Boys who are.

Dick lists his hobbies as “flying first class, spending other people’s money, and receiving an occasional This Is Not A Greeting Card! from New Matilda readers”.

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