Michaelia Cash

“Election to parliament should be based on merit, not gender. And that’s the reason why the Liberal Party has so few women in federal parliament…  because there’s so few decent women in the Liberal Party. Don’t blame me for facts. I don’t write them. I just smash other c*nts over the heads with them.”
– Michaelia Cash, explaining the lack of female representation among her colleagues.

Michaelia Cash is a Senator for Western Australia and the former Attorney General of Australia under the Morrison government.

Born and raised by wolves in Western Australia, Michaelia Clare Cash first came to political prominence during the brief but entertaining reign of Tony Abbott, when she was sworn in as Minister Assisting the Prime Minister for Women.

Under her and Tony’s watch, every woman in Australia abandoned the Liberal Party, but following a leadership change opposed by Cash, then another leadership change supported by Cash, she was eventually sworn in as the Attorney General because she was believed to be the person least likely to have committed a sexual assault in the Morrison cabinet.

While rumours that her gansta swagger and general demeanour are modelled on the ‘Cash me outside, how about da’ tween from Dr Phil have never been officially confirmed, it’s widely acknowledged that Cash’s unfulfilled dream of being a “white rapper from Perth” drive her hatred of babies, puppies and other women in the Liberal Party.

Cash lists her hobbies as “sensible hair to match sensible shoes, smashing the glass ceiling with the heads of female colleagues, workplace fatalities, and receiving an occasional This Is Not A Greeting Card! from New Matilda readers”.

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