‘The Worst Thing On The Internet’ is a regular column in New Matilda which documents humankind’s race to the bottom.
Every now and then, there’s something to be said for jumping down into the comments section of the latest video from your favourite narcissistic ‘influencer’, just to try and ruin their day a little.
But sometimes, you’re just a little too late.
Introducing Andra Goggan, a 20-something ‘influencer’ from somewhere or other known for doing something or other, who recently released a video that didn’t quite go according to plan.
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To save you the violence of having to actually watch the video, here’s a description. It opens with Gogan at the bottom of an escalator, where she announces (in her best baby voice), “I did it again, but now in a crowded mall in Los Angeles”. Which begs the obvious questions: What did she do previously, and where? (for the record, the answers are ‘who cares?’ and ‘we couldn’t be arsed checking’).
Back to the escalator. Gogan lays her phone against the stairs, and starts filming herself. Then she breaks into dance (allegedly) as the phone disappears up the escalator. It’s worth acknowledging, Gogan’s ‘dance’ is no more skilled then you might expect to see from the average 10-year-old on TikTok, although bizarrely, Gogan – from the ‘Manifest Generation’ – lists her occupation as ‘singer, actor, dancer’.
“People are so confused. Do you wanna see the result?” she teases, with her voice now at ‘peak baby’, but with a ‘mysterious twist’ added for people who respond to that level of self-delusion. The video then loops back to the start, and no result is offered.
It would be frustrating, if it wasn’t so hilarious, because what Gogan apparently fails to notice is that people ‘looking on’ were not ‘confused’ at all. In fact, they were ‘looking away’, as the video clearly shows, most likely out of sheer embarrassment for the poor adult.
Why? Because as all adults except Gogan (and even most teenagers) know, dancing is something reserved for night clubs, parties, and the grave sides of people you don’t like. It’s certainly not something you do at the bottom of an escalator in a crowded mall, and particularly not badly.
Having said that, bad dancing is what you do if you’re a ‘content creator desperately seeking attention’. And attention is what Gogan got… a lot of it. Behold, one of those rare occasions when the comments section is worth the price of admission.
From btaffoli: “social media has to be the worst thing humanity ever created”. 30,290 likes at the time of press.
no_manos: They aren’t confused they’re fucking annoyed.
mrbillion1million: We def need to bully people again… this is some wierd ass shit .. dancing with no music in a public area… i mean what the fuck.
Melvegan: LOLLL this chick thinks she’s out there “blowing everyone’s mind”. They are not confused at all. It’s nothing new for society to see desperate people needing social media to self-validate.
rogue_xt: Child. No one is confused. Their embarrassed for you.
Frenchorch: They are not confused but fucking embarassed for u
570_fun: Not confused, more like cringing at the fact that a grown women is doing tik tok dances in public 😂
tedng1008: stop doing stupid thing in a crowded places. you are blocking and wasting others time
brennan1133: The people aren’t the ones confused…
bibliophile1964: They’re not confused, they’re annoyed.
deepak_poovaiah: The second hand embarrassment in their faces
And on and on and on it goes… until Gogan finally turns the comments off.
We’ll never beat the narcissism that social media is unlocking – not entirely – but it’s still nice to see the internet fight back occasionally.
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