News Corp Tips ‘Certain, Near-Certain, Virtually Certain, Dangerous But Ambiguous, Distinct Possibility’ Of Russian Invasion Of Ukraine


Once upon time, in a society not too different from our own, a journalists’ work was summated by the quality of their reporting, in particular its accuracy. That’s now how it works anymore. It’s all about the clicks, and this is how you get ‘em.

So apparently, Russian dictator, animal torturer and child molester Vladimir Putin is poised to invade Ukraine. And by apparently, we mean ‘absolutely, positively, definitely… Maybe.’ At least that’s the view over at War Hawks Headquarters… and by War Hawks Headquarters, we obviously mean Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation.

In a story published earlier this week, the headline on the home page of the app reads ‘Prepare for impact: Russian war ‘certain’.


War is certain?!? WTF? I’m gunna have to read that! But once you click through to the actual story, a revised headline notes that war is only ‘virtually certain’.

And then there’s the actual story… which gradually concedes that war is a ‘distinct possibility’ but that nothing has changed since this all started blowing up last year. The opening par refers to a ‘near-certain’ Russian invasion. By the third par, the threat becomes “dangerous but ambiguous”… but then gets re-upgraded to “virtually certain” again before the end of the sentence.

Par four notes Kiev “could be sacked by Russian forces”. And then pars six and seven destroy the whole premise of the yarn entirely.

“This is not true, White House National Security Spokeswoman Emily Horne said.

“President Biden said that there is a distinct possibility that the Russians could invade Ukraine in February. He has previously said this publicly and we have been waning about this for months. Reports of anything more or different that that are completely false.”

Fake news was only supposed to happen it the Trump era…? Either way, that ladies and gentleman, is how you kill two birds with one stone by baying for war while publishing clickbait.

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