African Youth Crime Gangs are out of control in Melbourne. People are being slaughtered. And then eaten alive, after they’ve been slaughtered. And then re-animated and slaughtered again. It’s that bad.
Only the bravest journalists from the Herald Sun and The Age are venturing out into the carnage to bring you ‘the exclusives’ and promote a civil public debate… about Vicious African Youth Crime Gangs. Which are out of control. And killing white Melburnians. Everywhere. All the time.
Anyhoo, New Matilda hit Melbourne town to find out the best places to eat where you won’t get stabbed or maimed or killed. Turns out the safest place to eat, amidst the chaos and panic, is at an African restaurant. Because Terrifying Vicious African Youth Crime Gangs don’t attack African restaurants. Because apart from being violent, Brutal Terrifying Vicious Alien Vampire African Youth Crime Gangs are also racist.
So, in no particular order, here’s 18 Melbourne African restaurants where you can safely dine (and support, while this fucking shameful debate plays itself out)… with props to Trip Advisor and of course Peter Dutton and Malcolm Turnbull, who’ve done more to promote fine African dining than any fascists before them.
Morrocan Soup Bar | 183 St Georges Rd, Fitzroy | Moroccan, African, Vegetarian
The Abyssinian | 277 Racecourse Rd, Kensington | African Ethiopian, Vegetarian Friendly, Vegan Options, Gluten Free Options
Little Africa | 358 Victoria Street, Melbourne | African Ethiopian, Vegetarian Friendly
Polepole Bar & Kitchen | 1/267 Little Collins St, Melbourne | African, Vegetarian Friendly
Saba’s Ethiopian Restaurant | 328 Brunswick Street, Fitzroy | African Ethiopian, Vegetarian Friendly, Vegan Options, Gluten Free Options
New Somali Kitchen | 284 Racecourse Rd, Flemington | African, Middle Eastern, Halal
Savanna African Restaurant & Café | 7 Johnston St, Collingwood | African Ethiopian, Vegetarian Friendly, Vegan Options
Konjo Ethiopian Restaurant | 20 Smith St, Collingwood | African
Nyala’s African Restaurant | 356 Brunswick St, Fitzroy | African Ethiopian
The Horn | 20 Johnston St, Collingwood | African Ethiopian
African Taste | 124 Victoria St, Seddon | African Ethiopian, Vegetarian Friendly, Vegan Options
Mesob | 213 High St, Northcote | African Ethiopian, Vegetarian Friendly
Abesha Ethiopian Restaurant | 327 Barkly St, Footscray | African Ethiopian
Dinknesh | 227 Barkly St, Footscray | African Ethiopian
Harambe Ethiopian Restaurant | 205-207 Nicholson St, Footscray | African Ethiopian
Cafe Lalibela | 91 Irving St, Footscray | African Ethiopian, Vegetarian Friendly
Sahara Restaurant and Bar | 252 Swanston St, Melbourne | Moroccan, Middle Eastern, African, Vegetarian Friendly, Gluten Free Options
Mozambique Bar & Grill | 66 Station St, Sandringham | African Bar, Café, Pub, Australian
Sheger Cafe Bar and Restaurant | 83 Irving St, Footscray | African Australian Ethiopian Arabic
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