Malheur Wildlife Refuge Terrorists Still Short On Snacks, But Rich In Sex Toys

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The high farce that is the ‘patriot’ (aka terrorist) takeover of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon in the United States appears to have taken a new twist.

And a decidedly kinky one.

Commander of Patriotic Video Messaging And Tearful Farewells, Jon Ritzheimer has released a new video, in which her responds to his recent tweet calling for Americans to send “snacks” to support the men in their bid for “freedom from tyranny”.

And support they have, with fellow Americans apparently sending an avalanche of care packages… but perhaps not of the variety the patriot-terrorists were hoping for.

Over to Ritzheimer: “What’s going on everybody? So we went and picked up the mail that came in from, you know, a lot of the supporters. But along with that mail we got an abundance of hate mail. It was really mind blowing to me that people would actually spend their money… on all this hateful stuff they send out here to us…”

Whereupon Ritzheimer holds aloft the contents of one of his care packages – an enormous dildo. Followed by a smaller bag of ‘edible dicks’.

Ritzheimer, for those unaware, is the guy who made the tearful video farewelling his wife and children, before charging in with other ‘patriots’ and seizing the empty national park office.

The men, led by Ammon Bundy, the son of a rancher who owes the US government more than $1 million in tax, have occupied the compound now for 10 straight days.

While initially claiming the centre was being held by 150 armed protestors, that number appears to have been grossly exaggerated.

It also hasn’t led to the stand off the men had been hoping for – the US government and state authorities have basically sat back and waited, urging people not to go to the area, but not preventing them if they do.

The great news for lovers of comedy everywhere is that the patriot-terrorists have not been put off by the seemingly overwhelming view by Americans that they – and their protest – are ridiculous.

After dramatically pushing all the mail off a table to the floor, Ritzheimer declares in his latest video, “We’re not going to be deterred. We’re not going to let all your junk and hate mail sidetrack us.”

Well, maybe not Jon… but you are, now, obviously, going to be inundated with more sex toys.

That address again: Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, 36391 Sodhouse Ln, Princeton, OR 97721, United States.

New Matilda

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