a starguide for skeptics and cynics

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Scorpio

That acquaintance you always thought disliked you for no good reason will do one of two things this week: either turn around and tell you how much they appreciate you, or give you a good reason. At least if it’s the latter you don’t have to be nice to them anymore.

Sagittarius

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Just when you thought you were tethered to detail forever, big picture thinking will return to you. The burst of enthusiasm which results could see you change your plans in line with a rediscovered idealism. You’d be surprised how much support you get for risking the US alliance, for example.

Capricorn

Your week is a racy combination of obstacles and excessive energy. You start out in a demolition derby and end up feeling like Brocky cruising around in a V8 at the big speedway in the sky. Which is not to say you’ll be dead by Monday, but please drive carefully.

Aquarius

Taking silly risks pays off this week, but beware the first few days as your daring might be motivated by petty jealousy instead of genuine horizon-expansion. It’s a great week to set out some goals for the year ahead, but don’t commit yourself to anything just yet. Plot that vengeance, then save it for later.

Pisces

The point at which you finally snap is the moment you realise it’s all over. You will say your piece, break off that unhappy partnership and head out for a grand adventure with nary a glance backwards. Liberating, but the emotional fallout will be waiting in the wings.

Aries

You will spend the next few days arguing about money with your partner. The result? A lot of wasted breath. By next week you will have caved in completely and signed up for the whole set of Howard’s social-programming bonuses. Singles may find themselves suddenly not quite as single as they’d like.

Taurus

Instead of using this burst of energy to start new projects, throw yourself into existing ones in a new way. The sense of juggling too much at once should end this weekend when someone steps in to catch a few of those airborne knives before they take your eye out.

Gemini

Friends and family take centre stage in your life. I hope there’s a small child involved somewhere, because your mind isn’t up to much at present. It’s a great time to make mud pies, find a new appreciation for the Wiggles, and generally celebrate your id.

Cancer

You are still afflicted by difficult group dynamics, but refusing to negotiate will bring some relief. Pretend to remain accountable while dazzling your critics with newfound wit and no-one should mind too much that you got everything to go your way. People are daft like that.

Leo

A focus on creativity leaves little room in your life for much else. Be ambitious! Over achieve! Sure, your tunnel vision alienates all your friends, exasperates your lovers, bores your family, and puts you at risk of dying alone, unloved and heartbroken, but that’s ages away.

Virgo

Your excessive busyness is misinterpreted as deliberately ignoring people. Even in the brief moments when you try and connect, you find the network’s down. All should be back online by the end of the weekend, but until then your lucky number is 404.

Libra

The current playfulness in your interpersonal affairs coincides with a great deal of confusion about the meaning of your relationships. Use that playfulness as a tool to imagine other scenarios, styles, and roles. Climb out of your habits, and that goes for nuns especially.

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