A Starguide for Skeptics and Cynics



You’re having bad luck communicating the desires in your head, perhaps even coming over all shy in the moment. Practice asking for what you want. Better still, give a little, because this week is setting you up for some pretty strong karmic returns. I do hope you’ve been good. Think of Leo Peter Costello’s week as your example.


This week you should find it easier to get along with your peers; perhaps because you’ve stopped listening to Paranoid Inner Virgo and started giving Action Virgo some lebensraum. Is PIV completely gone, or is s/he still lurking somewhere behind you, following your every move, waiting for the right time to sorry.


Stubbornness has a payoff, especially when you’re stuck on fantastic, absurd ambitions. It looks like they’re coming true, despite the fact that they should be impossible. This is great if you’ve been working for love and justice. If you’re Ehud Olmert, you might want to pull your finger out right about now.


Good fortune is with you right now, but success may bring with it a conflict of interest. You have already examined your ambitions for signs of altruism and/or selfishness, but this week you will look more closely at how your work affects your relationships. Song of the week could be ‘take this job and shove it’.


Your week is characterised by a competition between your mystic dreamer and the personal charisma you rely on to succeed. Mystic surprises Charisma by challenging her to an arm wrestle and winning. Charisma claims chemical interference. Mystic heard to mutter, ‘it’s all my own testosterone, I promise’.


Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? If the step mother had asked who was the most even-handed, considered, and just, would she have turned out differently? This week, you have a deep insight into how others see you, Capricorn. It’s a relief to realise there is so little to atone for.


Fiddly domestic details don’t often agree with you, but this week you may find yourself looking under the rug to pick at all the things you’ve swept there over the years. Sneezes ensue, of course. Then you’ll have to explain that your allergy is to dust mites, not hard work.


Today finds you performing a balletic swoop through doorways, flying down staircases and leaping onto buses with your hat at a jaunty angle. Really, I should have put ‘look out for Pisceans’ in everyone else’s horoscope. It’s all very well being this bouncy, but I just hope you land on your feet without spraining anything.


If you can put energy into the fine details of this project or plan, you will find that grand rewards are waiting for you. It is not a question of the big picture right now, however caught you get in that macroscopic world view. This, my friend, is a time to split hairs if ever there was one.


Feargal Sharkey’s statement stands. A good heart is still hard to find 21 years later (by the way, he used to be in a punk band). However, I believe Taureans need look no farther than their own thoracic cavities this week to find the golden glow of humanity. Please be gentle with it.


Well, you had a relatively quiet Mercury Retrograde, but it has revealed a few home truths literally. There need to be some changes in your housing situation for you to be happy. Dream up your ideal, your vision, and see how you can change your home to fit it, cause you’ve been doing things the other way around for too long.


Your dreams are coming true, and you’re in a surprising amount of control over your destiny, which makes me wonder why you’ve been acting like such a pushover for so long. Well, better late than never I guess, though those wasted years will weigh heavily on you unless you do some serious catching up. Try kickboxing.

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