A Starguide for Skeptics and Cynics



This week you are about as motivated as a pot-smoking sloth. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Laziness is a Zen art that may be cultivated, through careful practice, to the higher craft of inner peace. Find enlightenment in a nice hot bath and a glass of wine while you can. This chance at domestic rest won’t last long.


Questions and frustrations around your living arrangements will be suddenly resolved this coming weekend, as that irritating houseguest or difficult family member is conveniently removed by an unexpected circumstance. Encourage this by painting a fluoro sign on your roof that says ‘Welcome to Earth.’


Any mojo, voodoo, or gogo you’ve misplaced lately should reappear this week. Favours will be offered before you ask for them. Initiatives you suggest will be taken up with enthusiasm. There is a special someone to whom such suggestions should be whispered in a darkened room.


It is your responsibility to make a big decision this week about the involvement of your family in what you are doing. Temptations to be secretive are more practical than you think. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but your sister is an ASIO stooge. If it’s too late to hide the plans, I hear Canada’s nice this time of year.


Feeling stretched between your higher calling and your lower urges? You should find a way to make the two extremes meet this week. Your crusade will show itself to be banal and human, and your basic needs will prove themselves celestial. In such a circumstance, moral discrimination is pointless.


Earthquakes are seen as destructive phenomena, but they could also be described as a release of pressure, as a part of the Earth finding balance. It might not feel like your lucky year right now, but this period is one of subterranean settling-down. The aftershocks will soon be over.


One of your regular crises will occur this weekend, but this time it will be decisive. Finally. Whether you like it or not, you will find that your life has turned a corner. You can’t really prepare yourself, but you might be able to reduce the impact on others; try and remember to indicate.


I accidentally deleted you from my column this week, Capricorn. I guess you’re feeling a bit left out right now. Well, guess what? You are. When you go to sleep at night, everyone else gets up and has a big party. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and maybe they’ll let you join their reindeer games.


Think very carefully about what you are doing with your life. Make a list of where you are now and where you would rather be. Map out the steps from part A to part B. Done? Good. Now put that in an envelope, mark it ‘November’, and shove it in a drawer, ’cause it won’t be any use at all for the next six months.


You might be feeling a bit embarrassed this week about the help you need. A bit East Timor-ish, let’s say. And just like that tiny nation, you should be careful what you wish for in the name of stability. Beware of relying on forces beyond your control, ’cause they aren’t all David Wenhams.


You’ll be shifting up a few gears this week. Any lingering doubts about what you had planned for your life will evaporate, as your personal ambitions start to make sense in the context of a greater social purpose. It’s a case of the voices in your head agreeing with the arrows on the road.


You will spend the whole week baking, since your landlord won’t install decent heating in your house. Why not share the results with your neighbours and bask in the warmth of human interdependence? Or you could hold a lamington sale to raise money for the cam paign to legalise the use of landlords as fuel.

Launched in 2004, New Matilda is one of Australia's oldest online independent publications. It's focus is on investigative journalism and analysis, with occasional smart arsery thrown in for reasons of sanity. New Matilda is owned and edited by Walkley Award and Human Rights Award winning journalist Chris Graham.