A Starguide for Skeptics and Cynics



Do you wear your sunglasses at night? Having trouble keeping up with the visions in your eyes? I dearly hope you’ve been imagining something good. Today you’ll be writing brilliant dreams in the margins. By next week, they will have grown across the page like an interesting mould.

You’re so headstrong right now, you’re practically a Stackhat. While your love interests might not appreciate this inability to negotiate, they’ll be lining up for the sheer arrogance of it. Since you can’t say no, you will probably ruin whatever chance you had of spending 2006 in peace.

With Venus dazzling the morning sky this Valentine’s week the planet will be at its most brilliant on the17th you can expect a lot of smug looks over the breakfast table. You’re also at your most helpful right now, and not through obligation. People you’re not sleeping with scowl as they ask you to pass the milk.

Your assertiveness at an all-time high, you actually admit to having skills and talents this week. Today you’ll be in full-blown mania, making outlandish generalisations and staking many fraudulent claims to fame. Your mother thinks you’re on speed, so you should probably reassure her.

You may be having an energy crisis lately, but by the end of the month the planets discover uranium in a national park somewhere in your psyche. Do you flog it to the evil multinational or protect your assets? Niceness isn’t getting you very far, you know.

You’re hit hard by political betrayal this week. Okay, it’s been a long series of disappointments and frustrations, but this one will really take the emotional biscuit. Retaliating with knee-jerk reactions isn’t doing it for you any more. Knives may be heard to be sharpened in corridors.

You take a notion to fly yourself halfway across the Earth to research the Ameranian washbeetle. You forget to take out travel insurance, lose everything in a frenetic taxi race, become stranded in the jungle and return broken, penniless and sore. With a really good story.

What are you doing right? Perhaps it’s not a good idea to question the joy and love that surround you, but just accept them with grace and try to consider the positive attention well-deserved. I guess that drunken squinty look is finally paying off for you.

It’s all power and passion this week for Scorps, and not a whole lot of housework, which means that you end up in a very tense and personal argument while pushed up against the washing machine. That’s what you call opportunity knocking, my friend.

Don’t deny it, you’re in love, the kind of love that kids tease you about in the playground, even now. Just roll with it and don’t question what it means. This is all about groundwork, and no-one wants foundations of doubt and gloom. These serendipitous adventures will make sense later.

Health and welfare are your focus this week. New glasses, the dentist, or that STD test you’ve been putting off for ages, it doesn’t matter, just get something done. It will stop you from talking about the bird flu all the time, which is honestly becoming a little bit creepy.

A great deal of talking yourself up has to be involved in whatever you do, but this week you are positively on fire with glory. If you keep going you’re gonna combust like that kid in Nepal. The 25th will bring you an opportunity to escape reality in a more enlightened manner.

Launched in 2004, New Matilda is one of Australia's oldest online independent publications. It's focus is on investigative journalism and analysis, with occasional smart arsery thrown in for reasons of sanity. New Matilda is owned and edited by Walkley Award and Human Rights Award winning journalist Chris Graham.