A starguide for skeptics and cynics


A couple of years ago I made a vow to nurture my neuroses in the hope that they blossomed into charming eccentricities. I’d like to offer you the chance to make the same mistake, Sagittarius. You’ll be mad as a cut snake for the next couple of weeks, but Mercury gives you an opportunity to review your recent decisions after the 12th. Don’t resist the restlessness. There’s joy in madness, and vice versa.

Poor old Capricorn, you’re in for the long haul until the new year and your partner/lover/chance-of-picking-up will run out on you by the end of this week. Try and placate them with whatever you have to hand. I know it might be against everything you believe in, but you can dip into your savings (or hoardings) to show someone how appreciated they are. It won’t hurt.

The energy that’s given you a joyous creativity for the last few days should continue until the 15th, when your focus will move closer to home and loved ones. How will it move, you ask? Like hips in full samba. Like a rattlesnake in full attack. Like an antelope in full leap. And like the earth does when … you know what I mean. Grab your partner, you’re gonna dance your way through December.

Go on Pisces, write a song about it. Have a good cry. Let it all out. I’m afraid you’re going to be emotional and frustrated this week, but lucky for you you’re also on a creative high until the 14th. So channel all that exasperation into a good rant, tune, fingerpainting, or Play-Doh sculpture. Better still, make a tape of yourself laughing the biggest belly-laugh you can muster.

Okay Aries, it’s time you considered the possibility that you might not be right. I suggest you go so far as to give yourself written permission to be extravagantly wrong. Things should clear up after the 9th when your ruler Mars moves direct again. Then you’ll have the tenacity and wit to sustain both your goals and your relationships in harmonious style. You might even discover that being wrong for a while was exactly the right thing to be.

Punk band Propaghandi once called an album Less Talk, More Rock, a signal to fans that they’d heard the message enough preaching already! This reminds me of what the universe is about to tell you, Taurus: ‘I’m sorry I’ve been telling you the same thing over and over again. I’m gonna say it once and perfectly instead.’ Make sure you’re paying attention and all will become clear.

It’s been a long month for Geminis. The effects of the Mercury retrograde will still be felt until the 12th, but the pressure is well and truly off. Because you love stationery so much, I hereby bequeath you the following analogy: your heart might not be an open book, your path might not be as straight as a ruler, but your mind is getting a turn in the great electric pencil sharpener in the sky.

By the middle of next week you’ll be so moony you’re almost a werewolf. The festive season has a special surprise in store just for you, but it’s not fur and a big bowl of Good-O. It’s more like an intimate game of Chinese whispers something you once declared in a moment of passion comes back to you full circle. The message has changed beyond recognition, but it’s still just as true.

Yuletide shenanigans see you getting all warm and sentimental. You put the free Bing Crosby CD from the newspaper on high rotation, you cry like a baby when you don’t pass the Big Brother audition. Your schmaltz annoys the rest of your household, but they’ll respond by simply avoiding you. It looks like you’ll have to drink that bottle of red you brought home all by yourself.

A Virgoan friend of mine recently lent me a great big book about a historical battle and was shocked when I told him I’d enlisted it in my War Against Insomnia. Nonetheless, your efforts at sharing your world will improve in the next few days, and everyone around you will think you a wonderful and kind person full of brilliant ideas. No battles on the horizon for the near future. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Your mind and your charm are finally making friends again. Resist the temptation to argue yourself out of something fun, because Venus has more surprises in store. Not all the temptations will be sweet; some will merely clarify what you really need in life, but that clarity has a payoff that trickles down to your work as well. Any ideas you have in the next couple of weeks are probably going to stick.

The benefits of hindsight are not often granted to you forward-looking Scorpios, but take a little time to reflect on what you just got away with. Calm and reason will be needed as the planets conspire after the 11th to throw your life into a transformative crisis. Again. Try and remember it’s the process of living that brings real happiness, and not showing off any injuries you might sustain.

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