Wanted: Super Computer Capable Of Calculating Brand Damage ScoMo Has Caused While In Hawaii



The technology doesn’t quite exist yet, but it’s not that far away.

‘Quantum computing’ is the theoretical study of super computers which, scientists theorize, will have a processing power that far exceeds anything we can come up with today.

That’s good news for humanity, but it’s not so good for Scott Morrison and the Liberal Party, because when quantum computers finally exist, someone is sure to use one to try and calculate just how much damage Morrison did to himself and his colleagues by buggering off to Hawaii for a holiday, in the midst of one of the biggest bushfire emergencies in Australian history.

The story, as you might expect, is running hot on Australia media. If you google ‘Scott Morrison’ and ‘Hawaii’ then refine it as a news topic, you get almost 6,000 results.

Channel 10’s Peter Van Onselen probably nails it best in this piece, which notes Morrison attacking a former community leader who took time off during a crisis.

Van Onselen is, ordinarily, a conservative and a fairly regular Liberal booster. He’s clearly not impressed by Morrison’s absence, also nailing it on his personal Twitter account.

Interestingly, not all media outlets have joined the ‘frenzy’. The order has apparently come down from those on high at News Corporation, because the story has barely rated a mention on News sites.

That said, a short time ago news.com.au reported that Greens NSW MP David Shoebridge was arrested outside Morrison’s Sydney home during a protest against the PM’s holiday to Hawaii.

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If you’re keen to follow this publicity clusterf*ck as it unfolds, the hashtag #wherethebloodhellareya has been trending on Twitter for 24 hours. Don’t bother following the federal opposition though – Anthony Albanese, in his never-ending bid to define himself as something other than a politician, has cut his nose off to spite his face, by suggesting there’s nothing wrong with our national leader disappearing during a national emergency… thereby solidifying the belief that Labor’s election strategy for 2022 is to be the Liberal Party.

Having said all that, Morrison can’t come straight back to Oz because that looks weak. But he can’t leave it too long either, because the fires appear set to worsen, and it’s only a matter of time before more people – albeit some of the just lowly Greens voters – die.

And of course, if a few volunteer firefighters are seriously injured or die… well… Morrison will have to bank on the entire nation developing Alzheimers in the next three years.

So the smart money will be on the PM sheepishly re-appearing back in Australia before the end of the weekend, like nothing happened.

The other smart money is on Albanese reversing his position, once he’s sure that News Corporation is angry with Morrison and he (Albanese) doesn’t have to take any risks by showing leadership.


Chris Graham is the publisher and editor of New Matilda. He is the former founding managing editor of the National Indigenous Times and Tracker magazine. In more than three decades of journalism he's had his home and office raided by the Australian Federal Police; he's been arrested and briefly jailed in Israel; he's reported from a swag in Outback Australia on and off for years. Chris has worked across multiple mediums including print, radio and film. His proudest achievement is serving as an Associate producer on John Pilger's 2013 film Utopia. He's also won a few journalism awards along the way in both the US and Australia, including a Walkley Award, a Walkley High Commendation and two Human Rights Awards. Since late 2021, Chris has been battling various serious heart and lung conditions. He's begun the process of quietly planning a "gentle exit" after "tying up a few loose ends" in 2024 and 2025. So watch this space.