Jews Of Wentworth Don’t Share A Single Brain Stem, Morrison Discovers The Hard Way

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It turns out, the good Jewish folk of an inner city seat facing a weekend by-election are capable of independent thought. Joshua Dabelstein wonders aloud if the Liberals got the memo.

Scott Morrison’s decision to follow Trump in moving our embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem is awkward to say the least.

It shows that he is as scared of the Jews as he is scared of losing the Wentworth by-election. But just like snakes and bears, Jews are definitely more scared of you than you are of them (unlike snakes and bears, they can articulate pretty succinctly as to why that might be).

It just so happens that about 13% of people who live in Wentworth are Jews. It’s a safe bet that Scott Morrison knows this.

If Scott Morrison does not know this about an historically safe Liberal seat that his party might be on the verge of losing, then we might be able to believe Dave Sharma’s assertion that this foreign policy tactic has nothing to do with trying to impress Jews.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison.

If we are to believe Sharma, the Liberal candidate replacing Malcolm Turnbull (goodnight sweet prince), then we must ask ourselves: why did Morrison wait until a safe liberal seat full of Jews became a no-longer-safe seat full of Jews to announce that he wanted to do something that he thought Jews would be fond of?

Why wait 10 months after Trump’s decision to parrot the strange Zionistic declaration that we as a country ought more zealously celebrate Israel’s land claims by moving an embassy?

I’ll tell you why: because Sharma is a liar and Morrison is a twit.

Morrison is genuinely talking about moving an embassy on the other side of the world under the false assumption that the 13% of the Wentworth voting population who identify as Jewish might care for this hare-brained scheme.

As one of the misrepresented, we do not care or care for where your embassy goes. And the tiny percentage of us who are actually Zionists are always going to vote conservative anyway. Bear in mind that a ‘Zionist’ in the USA is more likely to identify as a Republican than as a Jew.

Being a sneaky, conniving, and well-connected Jewish boy, I have obtained a transcript of Morrison and Sharma’s Sunday lunch meeting. Here is an excerpt detailing the hatching of their solution to Wentworth’s Jewish Problem:

Sunday 14.10.18 1:48pm

SCOTT: We might lose the seat of Wentworth!
DAVE: How do we reach the people of Wentworth?
SCOTT: How do we show the people of Wentworth that we care about them?
DAVE: Well, who lives in Wentworth?
SCOTT: Lots of Jews!
DAVE: It’s only one in eight…
SCOTT: But that’s a lot when it comes to Jews!
DAVE: What do Jews like?
SCOTT: Jews like… bagels?
DAVE: Free bagels?
SCOTT: Wentworth doesn’t need any more free stuff.
DAVE: Jews like… good education?
SCOTT: I already told you, we can’t keep giving the people of Wentworth more free stuff!
DAVE: Jews come from Israel right?
SCOTT: Not really… I mean, it’s kind of complicated.
DAVE: Sure, sure, but this is politics.
SCOTT: Okay what are you thinking?
DAVE: Well Jews are probably pretty into Israel right?
SCOTT: Probably.
DAVE: Well let’s do that thing Trump did last year?
SCOTT: Dave?
DAVE: Yes Scott?
SCOTT: We are, like, so smart!

It might not be a bad idea. It might not be a bad idea in another universe where all the Jews are connected up to the one single hive-brain, agree on Israel, foreign policy, and as a voting bloc of 13% also manage to swing entire elections.

Fortunately, we are not.

Unfortunately for the Liberal Party however, we are no smarter nor more stupid than the rest of the country.

As Peter Hartcher put it, the Liberal Party are once again putting their own political interests ahead of the interests of the country. And the awkward part? This has been in the best interests of neither.

Joshua Dabelstein

Joshua Dabelstein is a writer's writer and a sporadic New Matilda contributor.

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