At The Centrepiece Of The Victorian Liberals' Election Strategy Is A Giant Penis. Literally.


The East West Link – a controversial proposed roads project that could help determine the outcome of the Victorian state election – has been called many things.

A “congestion buster”. A “game-changer”. A “dud”.

But now, one campaigner opposed to the road’s construction has come forward with a bold new accusation.

According to Melbourne resident Michael Ingram, when viewed from above, the western segment of the project looks like a giant penis.

Ingram, a concerned local who lives nearby and is worried about the noise the new road will cause, as well as the impact the massive project will have on Melbourne’s historic Royal Park, has put a handy guide together to make the case.

At first, all looks well for old Royal Park.

But then Ingram shades the area between the roads… and… It’s not a pretty picture. And neither, says Ingram, is the impact the roads will have on the park, to which the video is designed to draw attention.


“In essence, all those slivers of land are now useless. They’re going to be very noisy,” he says.

Ingram accuses the Linking Melbourne Authority of underestimating the amount of land that will be lost in the park, which he says is around 4.5 hectares.

“But the 4.5 hectares also happens to be the shape of a cock,” he notes.

He is surprised the obscenity made it past the project’s engineers.

“Why couldn’t they see the wood from the trees,” he asks.

Given the Napthine government is facing possible annihilation in the next 24-hours, Ingram may not have to worry for much longer about having a giant, noisy sex organ constructed in his neighbourhood.

But if the Liberals are returned and Ingram is right, there will be at least one winner from the erection of the road. Geoff Shaw will finally be able to say he’s not the biggest dick in Victorian politics.

Launched in 2004, New Matilda is one of Australia's oldest online independent publications. It's focus is on investigative journalism and analysis, with occasional smart arsery thrown in for reasons of sanity. New Matilda is owned and edited by Walkley Award and Human Rights Award winning journalist Chris Graham.