The Down To Earth Starguide For Sceptics And Cynics


Horoscopes for the week of 24 May, 2010

As Gemini energy leans toward strong decision-making and the full moon boosts your interpersonal power, this is an excellent week to organise people. There are a few anarchic forces about, though, so stop short of that tempting autocracy lest you end it cowering behind a barricade.

Thursday’s moon gives you an outlet for some frustrations you’ve been experiencing at work, though being a Cancerian you will probably ditch this opportunity to vent in favour of more subtle strategies. Why say it aloud when there’s always the anonymous sticky note?

Leos are due for a small-scale life reveal, as one of your personas gets busted for a sham and the image you project gets a little closer to the real you. Homophobic spotfires started by callous TV crews will also soon disappear in a puff of their own smoke.

Virgos have the luck of Louisiana lately, but to paraphrase one bystander: hurricanes are an act of God, oil spills are an act of idiots. This week you can tell the difference between the two — only a small percentage of your letters of complaint should be sent skyward, but don’t expect any to be answered.

Libran Julia Gillard might be sticking to the mining tax, but she could have trouble sticking to her message. This week Librans are expansive, discursive — nay, blithering. I hope you are not keeping any secrets because there’s a distinct possibility you will let something slip.

Tony Abbott has taught us everything we need to know about Scorpio authenticity: you can only believe it when it’s scripted. This week you’ve got a surprising number of allies, not despite, but because of, your special brand of honest dishonesty.

Sagittarian Martin Ferguson reckons he is willing to compromise on the super tax, despite the apparently solid party line. You are really going out on your own this week, so be sure the ground under you is solid and not riddled with abandoned shafts.

Capricorn Nick Clegg is set to announce six billion quid of painful budget cuts today. You are ready to do some damage, no matter what the cost — but first you should be certain of your position. Then start in with the evil laughing and wiggling of fingertips.

Aquarians will soon be certain about what you are struggling with, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to have it easy. Like the moment in the horror movie where you see the monster, it’s going to start to look silly — but it’s still gonna hunt you down.

Pisceans are all due for a mid-life crisis. I just can’t wait to see tiny Piscean children and bent octogenarians questioning their career trajectories. The great news is you have a chance to claim some energetic self-determination, no matter your age.

Scientists designing life forms? This is total Uranus/Jupiter territory. As the conjunction crosses into Aries we are going to see more fresh tech, and Aries are at the forefront of science; if you’re not, then you’re at the front of the patent queue, ready to cash in.

There are two words for your week, Taurus: sexy and weird. There are other words, obviously, but you’re not at your most articulate, so just mumble along through it or you’ll spend too much time with the thesaurus and miss all the fun.

Launched in 2004, New Matilda is one of Australia's oldest online independent publications. It's focus is on investigative journalism and analysis, with occasional smart arsery thrown in for reasons of sanity. New Matilda is owned and edited by Walkley Award and Human Rights Award winning journalist Chris Graham.