The Lobbyist From Hell


Democracy is a fragile thing. It requires our constant vigilance to keep it alive, to prevent it being corrupted by natural human avarice and greed. Our freedom can be taken away in the blink of an eye if we’re not careful.

And that’s why we should all be alarmed to the point of arm-waving hysteria when we become cognisant of a stunning revelation such as that recently made by James Bidgood MP.

Bidgood has revealed that the global financial crisis was — contrary to the assertions of the so-called "business media" — caused by a single individual, known only as "God".

This news has, naturally, rocked all good citizens to their core. We had, naturally, assumed that the global financial crisis was caused by the usual factors: Kevin Rudd and single mothers. We had been proceeding in our blissful, complacent way, unaware of the powerful backroom forces shaping our destiny.

The news is truly terrifying. Just how long has this "God" been operating? What are his long-term goals? How much power does he wield? Are his actions restricted to financial markets, or might he, for instance, begin interfering in the construction industry or the IT sector?

So little is known about this shady character and his dodgy dealings, it’s dreadfully worrying to think of the power he apparently wields. He seems to work behind the scenes, in the shadows, pulling strings and manipulating levers out of the public spotlight. Preliminary investigations indicate that he moves in a mysterious way, but what this way involves we have yet to discover. Hedge funds? Derivatives? Margin lending? The secrecy is unacceptable. Disclosure is at the heart of a healthy financial system.

It’s not just God himself disturbing our way of life. Apparently this seedy dealer has certain operatives doing his dirty work for him. Bidgood referred to these henchmen, who call themselves "Christians".

"When Christians pray, God does things", Bidgood declared, in a chilling denunciation of the way that seemingly good people can be turned to the purposes of ambitious and amoral powerbrokers. The phrase "morally equivalent to Nazi stormtroopers" is bandied about too freely these days, but these "Christians" seem to have no qualms about setting forth and wreaking all sorts of economic havoc for the sake of their sinister puppet-master. Bidgood points out that the "Christians" were marching in 1987, prior to the famous stockmarket crash. It seems that God’s influence over the world of finance was strong even then.

But why does God do these things? What is his angle? What does he get out of financial ruin? How does he benefit from the collapse of ABC Learning? Certainly there is evidence that he hates children, but that can’t be it, surely? Somehow, he is profiting from chaos. Perhaps he is an arms dealer, or runs a corporate administration business. Who knows? It’s so hard to pin the fellow down. Numerous requests for interviews have been completely ignored. Searches for known associates have come up short; it’s damnably difficult just to find someone who’s met the guy.

But perhaps Bidgood (bless that man for his services to democracy) can provide a clue. Bidgood mentions "Revelations", which is apparently a reference to the Book of Revelation, a sort of manifesto, if you will, that gives some insight into God’s plans and motives. This may sound innocent enough, but it turns out that Revelation is a lot like John Hewson’s Fightback: reasonable enough on the surface, but a blueprint for pure evil and utter destruction once you look closer.

Revelation makes for genuinely scary reading, if you’re at all worried about the future of our society. It lays it all out: God’s plan to disrupt credit markets through reckless lending; his use of complex financial instruments to generate confusion and panic in the financial sector; his scheme to send house prices plummeting. Of course, he doesn’t state it explicitly — the exact words he uses are "And the first beast was like a lion, and the second beast like a calf, and the third beast had a face as a man, and the fourth beast was like a flying eagle" — but I think those financially savvy citizens among us can see just what he’s getting at.

He also mentions "a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet", who is "with child, travailing in birth". So apparently Sophie Mirabella is somehow mixed up in this.

So we know what God’s up to. He wants to destabilise world finance and cripple the global economy. In itself, this isn’t so worrying. Plenty of people have similar aims — anarchists, communists, Wayne Swan. What is upsetting is that unlike these people, God seems to wield genuine influence. Politicians everywhere are going out of their way to curry favour with this megalomaniacal new-age Brian Burke. President-elect Barack Obama has, in a breathtakingly brazen admission, dedicated himself to doing "the Lord’s work".

Our own Prime Minister, apparently, has a close relationship with this reclusive powerbroker, and has even been heard speaking to God late at night. Some reports describe the PM as being on his knees during these conversations, hands clasped in front, demonstrating the lengths our leaders will go to kowtow to the man. Are we really comfortable with our national leader being so beholden to special interests?

It’s no less than a scandal, an outrage and an international crisis. And to think we would never have known about it but for brave James Bidgood, the one man with the guts to stand up and expose the disturbing activities of "God" for all to see. Were he not civic-minded enough to take time out from his busy suicide-photographing business to bring this to our attention, we would never have known about the dark forces that are even now working in secret to destroy our way of life.

Time to act, people! Speak out! Don’t let "God" and his "Christians" further degrade our economy, our democracy, our world. Follow the example of James Bidgood, and ask yourselves, "What would Jesus do?"

Because whatever it is, he must be stopped.

Launched in 2004, New Matilda is one of Australia's oldest online independent publications. It's focus is on investigative journalism and analysis, with occasional smart arsery thrown in for reasons of sanity. New Matilda is owned and edited by Walkley Award and Human Rights Award winning journalist Chris Graham.