Incest? Now There's A New Idea!


And they say there are no happy endings any more. What baloney.

You may remember Jenny Deaves, the plucky young lass who took a look at the rules and mores of society and said, "No thanks!". Earlier this year I wrote about the beautiful story of Jenny and her father John, who had shown his willingness to "go the extra mile" in terms of parenting — the extra mile in this case being sexual intercourse.

Now, many of you expressed your doubts about the Deaveses’ lifestyle. "Unorthodox," you said. "An offence to God," you said. "Blaaaargh," you said. The public verdict seemed to be in: John and Jenny Deaves were a couple of freaks. True love, it seemed, was all right in the movies and on Neighbours, but when it came to an elderly man jumping his daughter’s bones, suddenly it was "icky".

Well, to those who called Jenny Deaves a weirdo, I say, what do you think now? Ms Deaves is once more in the news, and the story could hardly be more uplifting, heartwarming or wholesome. Ms Deaves has left the relationship with her father, and become engaged to 34-year-old bisexual father-of-three Shayne Farrell. Shayne has moved in with Jenny, and also with John, who is still living with his daughter, and his other daughter from his relationship with his daughter.

And so we see that in the end, family is what’s important, as Jenny Deaves puts her wild non-conformist days behind her and settles down to make a home with her bisexual toyboy and her daughter and her father/ex-lover. Who’s the weirdo now?

Jenny’s mother, who back in April expressed a certain amount of trepidation and petty revulsion at her daughter’s choice of mate, must be greatly relieved. As Jenny says, "Now my love is legal". And isn’t that what every parent wants for their children: a relationship that is not technically a crime? I mean, it’s not what John Deaves wanted for his children, but for most parents it is.

It should, I suppose, be noted that Jenny and Shayne have known each other for only 10 weeks, and some might say they’re rushing into things. But "rushing" is a relative term: taking into account Jenny Deaves’s history, her latest move doesn’t exactly seem adventurous. As the old saying goes, "Better a speedy engagement than a knee-trembler with your dad at the zoo", and I think that’s as true now as it was in Biblical times.

And what of the man himself? What of Shayne? In many ways, he’s the real hero. Jenny calls him "an emotional and physical Godsend", and maybe it’s just me, but when I think of the wonderful possibilities thrown up by the phrase "physical Godsend" in relation to Jenny Deaves, I find myself suffused with a warm inner glow that cannot be extinguished by any but the most powerful of anti-psychotic pharmaceuticals. Jenny also describes Shayne as "my rock", and there is no doubt he must share at least some of the qualities of the mineral class.

In an even greater show of class, Shayne says he is not at all threatened by living under the same roof as John. And it is indeed important to maintain a good relationship with one’s in-laws, just as it is important, when starting a relationship with someone who has a child, to be on good terms with the child’s other parent. No doubt Shayne realises the convenience of them both being the same person. The savings in terms of emotional stress must be huge.

And on the subject of children, apparently Shayne has three of his own. The news reports don’t give details on the mother of these three, but we can assume she is happy that Shayne has found love, and even happier at the family environment her children are about to experience. Happy days ahead for the Farrell brood and their new stepsister, Celeste "Rhyming Slang" Deaves. Truly, the children are the real winners in this story.

Now of course, to get the full story you’ll have to buy the latest issue of New Idea, and it’s understandable if you consider this too high a price to pay. But we should take a minute to reflect on this, and maybe show a little gratitude to the fine people at New Idea, for letting us know about stories like this. Just imagine, without New Idea, you may have gone for the rest of your life without ever again thinking about Jenny Deaves and her saucy dad. Imagine! What kind of a life would that have been?

No, I think we can be a little bit cavalier about the service that publications like New Idea provide us in today’s world. These days, information is power, and NI is all about information. Just look at their website: where else can you find out that Kate can’t stop swearing, at the same time as finding out about Nicole’s new transsexual role? It’s like a one-stop shop for current events!

This week we finally find out Rebecca Gibney’s secret (it’s about time!): apparently she’s happier than ever. If you can imagine the relief that flowed through my veins when I read this, you have some idea of the mood in Europe on November 11, 1918. I’ve been worrying about Rebecca Gibney’s happiness ever since I started seeing those commercials where she talks about her "monthly pain".

So today, really, is a day of celebration. Let’s celebrate Jenny Deaves for her love of experimentation and dogged pursuit of happiness. Let’s celebrate Shayne Farrell for his spirit of adventure and sheer blind courage. Let’s celebrate John Deaves, the loveable suicidal alcoholic who found his way into a nation’s heart even as he was finding his way into his daughter’s pants. Let’s celebrate all the beautiful freaks of this world, and the inspirational and romantic psychological scarring they inflict upon themselves.

And let’s especially celebrate New Idea, for sharing just a little of that psychological scarring with us all.

Launched in 2004, New Matilda is one of Australia's oldest online independent publications. It's focus is on investigative journalism and analysis, with occasional smart arsery thrown in for reasons of sanity. New Matilda is owned and edited by Walkley Award and Human Rights Award winning journalist Chris Graham.