Injunction This!


First be advised: the legal understanding of this reporter is mired in indifference and characterised in thickness. Her understanding of all judicial processes extend to (a) thinking that Major Mori is a lovely bloke and (b) a cannabis possession, er, mishap back in the nonsensical nineties. So, when she tells you about Justice Betty King, she does so from a platform of utter folly.

King is remarkable for two reasons. First, she is a walking showcase for OPSM spectacle frames circa 1983. Have you seen those goggles? It is as though the visual aids of the Dame Everage and a Eurogliders video enjoyed a night of difficult passion and then bore issue. Dude. Those specs are whack.

Second, Justice King is now known nationally for her decision to bury the Channel Nine series Underbelly. I know this news is national as my mum called me from interstate yesterday and said, "I’ll tape it for you, dear."

I told her that, actually, as a Melburnian I wasn’t that interested. Like many, I’ve already seen the preamble to our famous mob hits in Lygon Street restaurants. Honestly. A mate of mine saw a glassing that’d make Martin Scorsese cower underneath a table cloth. This shiznit, as the young might impart, is fo’ real.

Mum, however, continued her habit of ignoring my entreaties and set the VCR in any case.

Of course, I could always locate a digital copy with the aid of BitTorrent. But that would be (a) an unwholesome violation of international copyright protocols and (b) very expensive as I’ve already exceeded my download limit this month thanks to the second season of Dexter.

Which, incidentally, is a compelling if profoundly amoral entertainment and almost brings me to my point. Viz the extraordinarily poor quality of television.

Justice Betty, under whose purview we Victorians were denied a Channel Nine miniseries (the horror), must continue in her good works. Personally, I’d like to see her hurling out the injunctions – or howsoever these things are called – for other entertainments.

I’m happy to chip in for some new judicial spectacles if she’d consider suppressing a bit more telly. And, I’d like her to consider that matters other than sub judice could result in the legal inhibition of crap shows.

Her first act as the telly-hating justice nonpareil should be to prohibit that dreadful movie show on SBS. It’s not been any good since Margaret and David decamped to the ABC. I want to slap all of the hopelessly groovy people on it who give otherwise honest art wankers (a) a bad name and (b) the compulsion to buy eighty dollar haircuts.

Second, she should just outlaw anything involving Kyle Sandilands. Because the guy is a nob, an unpleasant curmudgeon and a public health hazard.

Vetoing Getaway should be the judge’s next order of business. Chiefly because we’ve all seen enough of Catriona Rowntree’s cleavage to last us several lifetimes.

And, dear Betty, a sanction on (a) any cooking program that does not feature a cook quite so luscious as Nigella, (b) any makeover or self-improvement hell of any kind, and (c) Top Gear. Don’t get me wrong, I love Top Gear. However, I know all men feel ineloquent and stupid in the face of Jeremy Clarkson. This is why my sister and other fine women cannot find a bloke to match their wits.

Personally, I’d be content for my taxes to be disbursed in this manner. It’s time for Betty to shine.

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