Down to Earth Star Guide for Skeptics and Cynics


The impact of Mercury’s retrograde continues this week. Your choices are about as crowd-pleasing as, say, your starmate Dubya’s decision to semi-pardon his mate Liddy like he’s some uppity feudal lord who laughs in the face of justice. All I’m saying is watch which way your subjects are pointing their fireworks today.

A complex Venus-Saturn conjunction (the two planets are visibly close in the west of an evening) is bringing karma to your doorstep. Karma knows if you’ve been bad or good. Everyone else knows too, but most of them are a polite bunch, and don’t turn up unannounced, waving warrants for your head on a stick.

You’ll be pleased to know that invertebrates constitute around 95 per cent of the animal kingdom. While you’re contemplating the beauty of the arthropod this week, try not to glory too much in your own lack of backbone. Toughness may be required of you in future, and that see-through exoskeleton will snap off easy as a prawn head.

A strong feeling of community is around you this week. Stop gloating. You are well liked merely because you have become something of a pushover lately. Well, don’t fear this week you’ll be a lot more demanding, and find it harder to compromise for the sake of group cohesion. See? They’re already getting in their cars.

A new project will be taking up all your time this week; if it’s something you’re doing out of pleasure not obligation, you should have a great time. People are well disposed to assist, so call in all those favours you’re usually too proud to remember. You’ll be surprised how easily it comes together with a little help.

Pulling rabbits out of hats seems to be a theme lately, with some commenting that it’s time for inland Australia to think about a new rabbit-proof fence. But for Sagittarians, a little benign manifestation is definitely in order, particularly in preparation for an important journey. Use your imagination and make sure it’s harmless.

It’s a life or death week for your public persona, and passions are definitely inflamed. If you’re not careful, other things might be inflamed too, such as official cars and houses of parliament. This is not a threat (so please don’t raid my office), but a warning that when you try to set the world alight you are playing with fire.

Last weekend, a New York man bashed a peacock to death in the carpark of a fast food restaurant, claiming it was a vampire. This is why you shouldn’t take crystal meth on a full moon. It’s also why you should never let your peacock out of your sight. Spend the week grooming its pretty tail feathers and crooning softly under your breath.

Piscean Philip Ruddock is still doing his single-handed border patrol routine, announcing that Sydney is crawling with ‘Muslims at risk of becoming terrorists’ and nabbing an alleged unsuccessful carbomber in Queensland. You too are basing your convictions on imaginary evidence. Next stop, war on the Tooth Fairy.

You feel like you’ve missed your chance this week. An opportunity presented itself and you didn’t quite notice it. I’d like to say that it’s not too late; that when one door closes another opens, and that you
should seize the day. Sadly, the day you should have seized already blew past, cleverly disguised in the middle of last week.

Venus is in charge this week, so don’t bother trying to rule with your head. Hey, the best leaders rule with an iron fist and a squad of crack troops, right? Since a kneejerk emotional response is all that’s being asked of you, simply sit entranced in front of the telly watching the Pasha as the government maroons your future.

Your life is a panicky scramble this week. If you were a government plan in a state of emergency, you’d be backtracking a few things, forcing others ahead, sending mixed messages, and forming urgent taskforces to advise you on your imminent mistakes. Ring Mal Brough’s office and he’ll get you a job in the Northern Territory.

Launched in 2004, New Matilda is one of Australia's oldest online independent publications. It's focus is on investigative journalism and analysis, with occasional smart arsery thrown in for reasons of sanity. New Matilda is owned and edited by Walkley Award and Human Rights Award winning journalist Chris Graham.