Down to Earth Star Guide for Skeptics and Cynics


As if tomorrow’s winter solstice wasn’t incentive enough, the planets are also urging you to stay at home this week. But your comfort zone is not straightforward, and communications are at risk of going awry. Alleviate the confusion with renovations; there’s nothing like a mouthful of nails to excuse a controversial statement.

Awaiting closure? There is a heartfelt moment for you this week, but the emotional payoff you’ve been looking for is still not ready to hit. With major power shifts in your work life for the next five months, you’re only in for yet another turning point. Under no circumstances should you attempt to mix business and pleasure.

The oldest man in the world, officially recognised this week, dryly apologised for having ‘lived too long.’ Another Virgo is getting married today James Packer, who has no intention of apologising for being too rich. This week, deal with the excesses in your life; whether you do this humbly or on a yacht surrounded by models is up to you.

This week you will find out you are susceptible to a rather nasty genetic condition, which will darken the already problematic relationship you have with your family. Fortunately, stubborn-headed Librans are ideally placed to triumph over their circumstances with a little plucky improvisation.

Scorpios might want to throw down their cards like Condy Rice this week, and declare their intentions clearly. I say go for it. It’s likely the world has become so cynical about you that your obvious support for unpopular causes that benefit your regime will be accepted without so much as a UN footnote. Demo-what-cracy?

You’ll be feeling dark and stormy this week, and the planets are encouraging the impulse to brood. Tomorrow’s shortest day gives you an aptly-acronymed dose of Seasonal Affective Disorder. You will suddenly find yourself popular with teenage Goths, who regale you with self-harm anecdotes that cheer you up no end.

If you’ve done a Keating and said a bunch of unhelpful stuff, don’t bother retracting your statements. The ALP is like a village: always in need of an idiot. You may have fulfilled the role all by yourself, cleverly drawing fire from the apparently duller ningnongs who need to look respectable for the next few months.

There’s a big political shift beginning this week, and you’re likely to be affected, particularly if you’ve been laying bets on one party. If it’s too late to withdraw your slip, simply bet equally on the other side. Sure, it means you can’t win, but isn’t that what being governed is all about?

Sydney’s Marrickville Council is accused of aiding and abetting terrorists this week, merely because one of its sister cities is Bethlehem. In this climate you should watch your own sister very carefully, because if she’s not a terrorist she will probably dob you in as one. What lovely political weather we’re all having.

In a last-ditch attempt to push yourself through this current change in your world view, you join a religious order and practice fasting and meditation. I hope for your sake it does not last beyond Sunday, because that’s about when they should start insisting on the transferal of all your worldly goods and chattels.

There’s been a real emotional sincerity to all your communications lately, but it hasn’t got you any closer to your goals. Right now the planets are pitching for the reintroduction of irony, humour, and absurdity into your everyday conversation (and I’d argue for a little slapstick as well). It’s amazing what you can achieve by indirect means.

Financial and political consequences dog you this week, in response to statements you have recently made. I realise you were standing on your convictions, but others felt the bootprint on their toes. Think of your fellow Gemini, George Pell, and the overwhelming reaction of ‘pull your finger out’ might make more sense.

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