Down to Earth Star Guide for Skeptics and Cynics


A brilliant idea comes at a price this week. The will and the wherewithal are there, but be careful of broadcasting your plans. Lines will be crossed and others are likely to misunderstand your intentions. It’s the kind of week where you get a big investment tip-off but lose your keycard.

Having failed to predict the NSW floods, I regretfully pronounce that the next harbinger of the apocalypse is Morris Iemma in gumboots. It’s going to be a troubled week for Cancerians, with unpredictable results. Let this be a warning to you crocodile tears, especially those shed in knee-deep water, may attract crocodiles.

Like Leo Alberto Gonzales, you’re facing a no-confidence vote this week. But don’t be too concerned: it’s high time for a shift in your allegiances. The change is not going to be pretty, but it’s not going to last either. On Sunday you’ll make a new acquaintance who can help you get through this unstable period.

Alexander Downer teased Kevin Rudd for meeting with the Dalai Lama, saying it shows how he ‘plays politics the whole time.’ Virgo-offs are in the air, and you will be forced to defend your ambitions tooth and claw. Fortunately you are not averse to a little bloodshed in the name of getting what you want.

The new moon in your house of itchy feet is going to disturb you, particularly if you’re one of those hearth-and-home Librans who lives for cups of tea by the fire. Don’t organise anything, but look forward to a chance encounter on Sunday that will make you feel much better about running away from your comfort zone.

Love is not exactly in the air, but there are plenty of spare pheromones floating about. The weekend is all about physical activities that leave you breathless and slightly unhinged, but do nothing for your inner confusion. I’m not talking about ballroom dancing, but it’s definitely in your best interests to take the lead.

This week you will find balance, but it will still involve a lot of concentration. Like a tightrope walker, you can either focus your vision on a fixed point ahead of you, or let yourself fall into the safety net below. Oh, I thought you brought the safety net. Just hang on until Sunday, and a spunky trapeze artist will lift you out of there.

Capricornian composer Michael Hearst has released an album of songs for ice cream trucks. Perhaps he was tired of hearing ‘Greensleeves’ every Sunday morning, and decided to take matters in hand. Draw inspiration from his feat this week, and turn your creative energy into a practical (if twee) solution.

Faced with a public speaking engagement this week? You will lose your notes and be forced to improvise, but the resulting performance will be far better than you’d hoped. I’d even argue that in lieu of preparation, you should simply spend your time getting your hair done and relaxing with a good book.

With the new moon in your zone of nearest and dearest this week, you’ll ditch the half-baked aloof persona and go visit your nanna, who will instruct you in the ancient arts of crochet and bitching. If your oldies are all dead, visit a nursing home and loiter in the Occupational Therapy room until you are arrested.

It’s a great week to call or text your long-lost friends, start a website, or join one of those naff online ‘communities’ like gayspace or mybook or whatever they’re called. If you have been hiding in the woodwork for too long, you are about to crawl blinking into the light like the underfed grub you resemble.

Like the installation of solar panels on the international space station, you are planning to compensate for your ecological footprint in a very tokenistic manner. This week you’ll find a better way to become carbon neutral than eating less beans, and discover that treading lightly on the earth doesn’t just mean buying new shoes.

Launched in 2004, New Matilda is one of Australia's oldest online independent publications. It's focus is on investigative journalism and analysis, with occasional smart arsery thrown in for reasons of sanity. New Matilda is owned and edited by Walkley Award and Human Rights Award winning journalist Chris Graham.