Down to Earth Star Guide for Skeptics and Cynics


If you celebrate your birthday this week, you’re in excellent company the first Star Wars film is turning 30 on Friday. But don’t let that make you feel old; after all, the franchise is still paying big dividends to its makers. This week is all about collecting the royalties for your endeavours, so churn out some limited-edition merchandise.

A planetary trine sees you taking up some fresh opportunities, and thinking about a new project or relationship. Obstacles to communication will arise on Friday, but be happily resolved on Monday. So despite your newfound motivation I suggest you spend the weekend procrastinating.

Leo David Hicks had cereal and toast for breakfast. He’s also been given access to the media, so he can learn all about well, what he had for breakfast. Intense scrutiny is getting to you, too, but it’s all about finding a place in your community, and this requires some experimentation. Eat your plastic spoon and see what they say.

While filling in your Australian Citizenship test this week, you realise it’s the funniest online quiz you’ve done for ages. You get most of it wrong and are hurled into an abyss of alienation. In an effort to atone, you spend the entire week watching AFL and hand-embroidering flags on all your undies.

It’s an emotional week for Librans, but don’t fear. A sentimental creature by nature, you tend to enjoy wallowing in nostalgia. Uncertainty about your future won’t go away, but a fresh perspective will pounce on you while you’re sitting on the floor with a bottle of wine, poring through old photographs and singing yourself maudlin tunes.

Astronomers recently discovered a planet covered in hot ice. How does that work? Scorpios are about to show the world. Your skill at resolving extremes is going to come in handy this week. You will have particular success handling workplace politics, but fail completely at making a cup of tea.

Americans are terribly concerned about their missing bees, which are suffering from Colony Collapse Syndrome and deserting their hives in droves. Perhaps they simply got tired of making wholesale honey and flew up into the mountains to start a more communal enterprise. You see what I’m getting at?

Mal Brough keeps extending the sellout deadline for town camps in Alice Springs in the hope that he’ll eventually outwit them. The flipside of Capricornian tenacity is not knowing when you’re beaten. Sometimes ’tis simply nobler in the mind to give up and go home with your tail between your legs.

You will find yourself in a spiritual quandary this week, but before you climb a pole in southern India to fast it out, look at a more practical approach. The planets suggest a solution is close at hand, so try constructing a shrine to your confusion out of found objects, cardboard, and Clag paste. Then put it in the Biennale.

Just when you think you’ve actually finished something for once in your life, you are thwarted by circumstances beyond your control. Fortunately for you, the universe is well disposed to Piscean fakery this week, so hand in a last-minute mock-up and hope no-one notices.

An awkward headline in this week’s New York Times read ‘Gay Britons Serve in Military With Little Fuss, as Predicted Discord Does Not Occur.’ The poor writer was forced to make something out of nothing. You’ll sympathise with that journo’s plight this week as your surge-forward energy has nowhere to go.

You are happy to take romantic risks this week, and everyone around you is happy to accept your eccentricity as charm. By Monday you will develop an irritating smug expression, which will suddenly turn them all against you. Make hay while the sun shines, but when the peasants come at you with pitchforks, hide in the barn.

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