Still not happy, John


We are all waiting for John Howard to declare that ‘child pornography’ is the latest threat to Australia’s moral fabric.

Since Howard was so convinced that his ‘tough gun laws’ were the solution to violent crime, we assume that he will use the Firearms Acts and Regulations as a framework for a massive crackdown on child pornography. This is quite in keeping with Howard’s approach to concentrating on the instruments of crime, rather than the perpetrators of that crime.

The new regime could look like this:

a) Cameras to be classed as ‘illegal’ or ‘legal’, depending on the number/type/size of film they can use.

b) Only single shot cameras to be legal.

c) Only film with 10 shot capacity will be permitted.

d) Automatic and semi-automatic cameras will be classed as ‘illegal’.

e) Only those members of government approved camera clubs, will be permitted to own a camera.

f) Only those persons with a ‘genuine reason’ shall own a camera. Membership of an approved camera club will be accepted as a ‘genuine Reason’.

g) A person wishing to purchase a camera, must apply for a ‘permit to acquire’ (cost $50.00)

h) Cameras to be stored in a secure safe, or locked away at the approved camera club. Film shall be kept locked in a seperate secure container. Police will be allowed to carry out random inspections of storage facilities. (penalty for incorrect storage, $10,000 or four years’ gaol)

i) All cameras to be registered, using the serial number of the camera for identification. (Registration cost, $200/camera/year). Registration details shall also include size of lens ( those over 110 mm shall be illegal), capacity of film (more that 10 shots to be illegal) and method of operation (manual, single shot only).

j) All persons wishing to own and use a camera must obtain a special ‘camera licence’ (cost $200/year). Such licencing will involve an exhaustive set of questions regarding camera operation and safety, a psychological evaluation, references from 5 (five) government officials and proof of having been a member of a camera club, for at least two years.

k) A person wishing to acquire a second, or subsequent camera, must prove that the pictures he/she wishes to take, cannot be taken with the camera already owned. In any case a ‘cooling off period’ of 2 months shall elapse, before any further cameras are acquired.

l) A ‘BUY BACK’ of all cameras in the prohibited class, or belonging to persons who do not have a ‘genuine reason’ will take place. All such cameras will be crushed and the owners given some modest compensation.

m) Mobile phones with ‘PHOTO’ capability will be banned outright, as ‘having no independent serial number’, being ‘easily concealed’ and ‘being of no suitable purpose for approved camera clubs’.

General: Cameras to be prohibited will include digital, semi-automatic, large film capacity, rapid shot types, as well as those with ‘close-up’ lenses which are too large. Similarly, small cameras, classes as ‘easily concealed’ will be prohibited.

The Prime Minister, in announcing the ‘tough camera laws’ would perhaps state that he personally abhorred child pornography, had wanted to reduce the numbers of cameras in the community and that these harsh restrictions were ‘necessary, for the public good’.

PM Howard then would explain that ‘only the media and some special interest groups’ should have access to such dangerous products as cameras. ‘Camera control will ensure that such terrible events will not occur again’.

(NOTE: Reference used was the Firearms Act 1996 and the Prohibited Weapons Act 2003)

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