A Dog Of An Interview

For a while now, we’ve been wondering about this First Dog on the Moon character. Sure he’s funny (and clever too: for a cartoonist his spelling is exemplary) 
— but what makes him tick? Does he tick, or is it more of a whirring sound? See, we buy his calendars, we use his doodles as our Twitter avatars 
— but really we know very little about this guy. 

Aiming to change all that, we asked him 20 carefully selected questions, formulated to reveal the maximum information in the least space. Unfortunately, in his answers we got more 
— and also somehow much less 
— than we bargained for (actually we didn’t realise we were bargaining at all). Attempting to explain to us why he can’t colour inside the lines like everybody else, Mr. Onthemoon wrote: "I … didn’t do it properly. But I am an artist and so I cannot be constrained by your alleged rules. Or something."

Anyhow, here are his answers.

1. What’s the oldest thing in your fridge?
Ben Pobjie

2. Has any party got a climate change policy you agree with? Who?
Dear God please don’t make me read policy as well as all of the other things I have to do. Are they on Wikipedia? If they’re not on Wikipedia or Reddit I don’t know anything about it. I only watch Lateline with the sound off. Does Leigh Sales have a climate change policy? I agree with her policy.

3. When was the first time you changed your mind on something important?
Should I buy the Talking Casper The Ghost Doll or the Remote Control Motorbike. I changed my mind over and over and got the wrong thing.

4. What’s the household chore you relish the most?
When we get a pig, I will take it for walks.

5. What’s your favourite chocolate?
Anything slow enough to catch.

6. Best and worst albums of all time?
So negative! Are We Not Men? We Are Devo! is the best album of all time. My most favourite worst album of all time is Pinky Blue by Altered Images.

7. Some people say politics and sport don’t mix — what about politics and fashion?
That is not even a sentence. Who are these people that say these stupid things?

8. If, tomorrow, you could go anywhere in Australia for a holiday, where would you go?
To bed.

9. How would you stop Japanese whaling?
I would send Ben Pobjie.

10. If you were Sport and Recreation Minister Kate Ellis, on which sport would you lavish funding?
Pobjie baiting.

11. Nominate a new public holiday.
International Ben Pobjie Awareness Day.

12. What shoes do you wear to work?
My Converse or my running shoes, depending on how I am getting there. If I am riding my bicycle it is my running shoes, then I change into my "good" Converse when I get there. But if I am taking the train I already have my other pair of "good" Converse on unless it is winter in which case Blundstones (the good ones).

13. Name one celebrity you think should launch their own food label. What would be their signature product?
Poffertjes from the House of Pobjie.

14. What campaigning tactic do you most want to see in this year’s federal election?
Baby flinging.

15. Name your favourite lovable loon and rate their threat to public safety.
The Great Northern or Common Loon (Gavia immer) is my favourite. It appears on the Canadian dollar coin. I would suggest the threat to public safety is low.

16. Do you have any secret political crushes you’d like to share with our readers?
No. All my political crushes are embarrassingly public.

17. When did you last eat a meat pie?
Western Bulldogs vs Collingwood 30 August 2000.

18. Matt Preston, Catherine Deveny and Marieke Hardy. Who do you like least?
I have had celebrity crushes on all of these people at one time or another, however at the moment only Matt Preston follows @firstdogonmoon on Twitter so the others are dead to me.

19. What is one thing you’ve always wondered about economics but were too afraid to ask?
Are you going to eat all of that?

20. What question should we ask our next interviewee?
What would you say if I told you the 2009 questions were more interesting than the 2010 ones? I think I’ll answer them now.

Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with? [This is not us asking — he has obviously cut and pasted them from previous 20 Questions pieces.]
A talking pig who was also a lift mechanic.

What trivia topic will you beat everyone else in the pub to the buzzer on?
My favourite sandwich toppings: "Do you prefer mayonnaise or mustard?" *Bzzzzt!* "I know that one!"

Complete this sentence: "I’d like to hear Kevin Rudd say ‘…’"
"… also it turns out pigs are just as smart as three-year-old children so we’re not going to be able to eat them anymore."

If you could have made one major life move differently, what would it have been?
I would have stayed a woman.

You’ve been appointed research director for an organisation funded by a hands-off philanthropist. What do you tell your staff to find out?
What happened to the philanthropist’s hands.

How often do you check your email?
Every four seconds.

What annoys you about politicians?
Capitalism.

Name someone in Australian public life who deserves a promotion.
Ben Pobjie.

Name someone in Australian public life who should be out on their ear.
Andrew Blot.

Can we fix climate change?
We can but we won’t.

If we were in a karaoke club and not online, what song would you sing?
The Star-Spangled Banner.

Have you ever seen a ghost?
I heard eerie howling one Christmas Eve when I was eight.

Computers could be improved. How?
Cheaper and 100 per cent biodegradable, with a fresh pine scent.

I’m going to get a coffee? What can I get you?
Can you pick up my dry cleaning? I have always wanted to say that. I don’t have any dry cleaning but let’s just imagine for a moment that I do. And that you could pick it up. I would really appreciate it if you did that for me.

Do you have a hidden talent?
Yes.

Is honesty the best policy?
Is it Leigh Sales policy? Because if it is then yes.