‘Crooked’ Hillary and ‘Sleepy’ Joe: Let’s Not Fall For This Act a Third Time

Dr Alex Vickery-Howe wonders aloud if we’re going to wake up before American democracy implodes.

I’m calling it now: Democrats are idiots for turning on the incumbent and giving Donald Trump a clear path to the White House.

The news that donors were willing to withhold millions of dollars was stomach turning. Of course, people have the right to withhold a donation – it’s their money – but publicly knifing a president and playing into a conman’s hands was hardly a good look.

Now, the knife has sunk, and a good man has left the race. It’s almost like the Democrats and their key supporters have somehow forgotten what’s at stake in this upcoming election.

Here’s a refresher…

Trump’s resurgence is genuinely horrifying and may well see the end of contraception, the weaponisation of the justice department, the erosion of LGBTQI+ rights, the forced deportation of recent immigrants, an all-out assault against the American education system and the eventual installation of a Christian dictatorship. This isn’t fantasy… this is the stated intention of Project 2025. Despite his denials, Trump is a big fan of their work.

I could describe all of this as ‘unconstitutional’, because it’s the exact opposite of what the Founding Fathers wanted… but I’m not sure America cares about its own constitution anymore. That went out the window when Republicans sided with Russia and decided they were fine with Hitler being quoted in campaign rallies.

All of this, however, is what Margaret Atwood predicted when she wrote The Handmaid’s Tale. Should we be moving it off the ‘Fiction’ shelf and replacing it with something more far-fetched, such as Lance Armstrong’s biography, or The Art of the Deal?

Trump is so busy conning others that he probably doesn’t even realise that he too is being conned, used, and played. I don’t think Donnie wants to live in a country where pornography is banned. He was, allegedly, pretty upset that he couldn’t watch his favourite movies while he was living in the White House. He’s going to be more upset when he clicks on Stormy Daniel’s profile and finds a frustrating ‘Error: file not found’ message. I’ve a sneaking suspicion he’ll be put out when his next illegitimate child is carried to term too.

While we’re speaking about the benefits of the morning after pill… I don’t care about Hunter Biden any more than I care about Eric Trump. The desperation with which people are making this race about the children of the candidates is pitiful. Marjorie Taylor Greene whipping out Hunter’s penis has to be the low point. Parading poor Barron like mini-me is a close second. Haven’t we moved on from political dynasties?

Before I deconstruct the unfolding disaster around the betrayal of Biden, let me pivot to something else I’ve raised before that I really think Republicans need to consider…

You should be uniting around Tim Scott.

The collaboration between Trump and his previous Vice-Presidential stooge, Mike Pence, was bully and victim, or daddy and sub. It was an abusive relationship that plausibly could have ended in Pence’s death. Tim Scott has a stronger personality, and he’s well-liked in Washington, so it’s odd to me that he wasn’t the clear frontrunner to stand beside Trump on the GOP ticket this time.

The answer to that conundrum is probably that Scott is unwilling to be a stooge at all, and would actually challenge Trump. I guess the party faithful couldn’t handle that. Better to install J.D. Vance, a man who once linked Trump to both ‘Hitler’ and ‘heroin’, but whose moral code seems as changeable as the climate he denies.

When all the talk about replacing Biden in the top job – with little voter research beyond falling for the opposition’s argument – reached fever pitch among the Democrats, it was strange to me that no Republican strategist was watching Trump rave about wrestling with sharks and thinking that, maybe, Tim Scott could be the saner choice. Why didn’t that come up?

It’s one of those peculiar quirks of partisan alchemy that the Democrats had a workable candidate they decided to shank for nobody in particular, while the Republicans have a terrible candidate they still refuse to substitute for the younger, smarter ideologue waiting in the wings.

It just goes to show….

The right knows how to unify. The left turns on its own if the lattés aren’t the perfect temperature.

If the recent electoral process in France has taught us anything it’s that the French know how to get their act together and take on the far-right. The left and the centre-left saw the existential threat and joined forces in the name of reason. I wish the same could have happened to America in 2016, when Bernie and Hillary played tug-of-war with the leftist vote. Sarah Silverman’s cries to ‘unify’ were on the money. We’re seeing the same division play out in leftist circles now, and it may well lead to the same awful result.

I admire Bernie Sanders and I admire Hillary Clinton. They could have shared the ticket.

I admire Kevin Rudd and I admire Julia Gillard. They actually did share the ticket, and they still managed to knife each other until Australia was saddled with the idiocy of an Abbott government. The left needs to learn the value of loyalty. Sure, the right is disloyal too – Turnbull crept up behind Abbott and Scotty from Marketing crept up behind Turnbull – but they don’t tend to do it when they’re winning.

The left does.

Do you know who won more votes that any presidential candidate in US history? Joe Biden.

Do you know who won 95% of the delegates in the August Democratic convention? Joe Biden.

In the crucial Rust Belt states of Michigan, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania, who do you think the people want to vote for? Steady Biden from… wait for it… Scranton, Pennsylvania… or a new candidate picked at the whim of Hollywood powerbrokers? Nothing feeds more into the ‘coastal elite’ narrative than that. It’s gonna be a gift for class warriors and catnip for Vance.

I knew that Biden wasn’t going to make it through to Election Day when comedian Bill Maher said:

“Above any matters of politics, or what’s right or wrong, the one thing I know for sure about America is this… it’s run by mean girls. Mean girls. In the press and in politics, and in life… and when they smell blood in the water, the lust to finish off a vulnerable person will never be denied.”

Maher is catching up to George Carlin in terms of astute philosophical observations made in jest. Once the blood hit the water, the opposition, the media, and erstwhile friends and allies, swarmed to feast on Biden’s reputation.

Where have I seen this before?

Remember, Clinton was the target of a smear campaign that boiled down to a bogus FBI search, a lot of cultish hype – ‘but her emails!’ – and a schoolyard nickname: Crooked Hillary. There was also a whiff of misogyny in her constantly being linked to her husband’s infidelity, which she, more than anyone, had the right to be pissed off about.

Even my own brilliant (I said brilliant… brilliant… please don’t fire me, sir) editor couldn’t resist making a crack about Bill in relation to Hillary when I pointed out that none of Trump’s political rivals could get away with sleeping with a porn star and bullying her into silence. Bill never stood against Trump, his tryst was 27 years ago, and Hillary is not her husband. It must irk her no end to have to keep asserting her individual worth.

But that’s the essence of playground politics. Throw mud. Invent a nickname. Repeat until it all sticks. Mean girls. Mean little boys. Adolescents who lack nuance, perspective, stakes, or a shred of empathy.

When Trump wheeled a group of women out for his debate with Hillary to make accusations against Bill, fresh on the back of Trump’s own ‘pussy grabbing’ scandal, I laughed out loud at the transparent desperation of the tactic. It shocked me then that his manipulative crap actually resonated with people. It shocks me today that the same dirty tricks are still resonating as he throws his toddler taunts at Biden.

‘Crooked’ Hillary was a lie. We now know Trump is the criminal with a list of convictions to his name, including being found liable for sexual assault.

‘Sleepy’ Joe is also a lie. Trump is exhibiting clear signs of dementia. Medical professionals have been highlighting this for years. Did you sit through his chat with Musk? I’ve literally had more coherent conversations with residents in nursing homes.

It’s the same trick: deflect your failings back on your opponent.

Both my grandmother and a close teacher died of dementia. It’s important to clock the difference between normal decline – slowness, reaching for words, lethargy – which Biden absolutely 100% exhibits vs the verbal glitches Trump slips into with scary regularity. Those glitches are a very, very different thing and a sign of actual dementia. You know, the clinical kind, as opposed to a pop cultural diagnosis.

For the people in my life who suffered from this disease, it was those tell-tale glitches that were the clearest sign to doctors. The same tell-tale glitches Trump is showing now. Eighteen months later and they were severely declined, didn’t know where they were, couldn’t string a sentence together and couldn’t decipher a gas bill. It’s a distinction between a slow but normal 80-year-old and the glitching, rambling early signs of true cognitive impairment.

Case in point: Biden quickly corrected himself when he accidentally introduced President Zelenskyy as ‘President Putin’ while Trump has repeatedly confused Nikki Haley for Nancy Pelosi without catching himself in the moment or showing the slightest hint that anything is amiss. And that’s before we mention the cats and the ducklings.

My expectation, had Biden stayed on, was that he would slow further and wouldn’t necessarily make a full term, but that the people around him would be stable and professional, and the President’s decision-making process would remain unhurried but sound until the day he left.

Trump, on the other hand, may not make it through the next few years without degenerating significantly, losing speech, losing his sense of self-awareness (if he has any now), and requiring full-time care. He’ll be like Boris Yeltsin, literally propped up by his minders, and we all know how that chapter in history ended… with the rise of Vladimir Putin.

Cognition can slip very quickly once those signs kick in and, for Trump, those signs kicked in a while back. My teacher was working until her 80th birthday but she was in care, thinking I was an actor on tour with her, by her 82nd. My grandmother, a habitual smoker, was offended when I suggested a box of cigarettes on her bedside table belonged to her. One day I walked into her room… and she had no idea who I was.

It is also a fact, of which I’m acutely aware, that some forms of dementia do run in families. Trump’s own father succumbed to Alzheimer’s and this, curiously, hasn’t been widely analysed by the media.

I’ve yet to see a medical professional declare that Biden is unwell in any way. Lots of unqualified journalists have suggested it. George Clooney has suggested it. A guy at my gym has suggested it. I’m not sure how that became headline news. I’m stunned that it shattered the candidacy of an outstanding President.

Meanwhile, Trump is freewheeling about sharks, Hannibal Lecter, the ‘oranges’ of the Mueller investigation, the dangers of solar power after dark, and random thoughts that not only lack coherency in the moment but any sense of objective reality.

If Biden had said half of these wacko things, he’d have been splashed all over the tabloids. Somehow, Trump sidesteps scrutiny because the press still treats him like the harmless character actor from The Apprentice. That’s not who he is. He’s the guy who wants to usher in martial law and take retribution against his enemies.

I look back respectfully on honourable Republican leaders, like the late John McCain who refused to belittle his political opponents and defended American healthcare shortly after his own surgery and not long before his death. Like Biden, McCain was a man of integrity. Draft dodger Trump mocked McCain for being captured during the Vietnam War. That’s not just low… it’s slimy.

It would be challenging, I’m sure, for an old-school politician to be confronted by someone as fundamentally unscrupulous as Trump, and I do understand why Democrats became concerned by Biden’s subdued response, but fracturing into warring pieces was not the answer.

It was time to rally. The Democrats chose to collapse.

The truth has never mattered when it comes to Trump. Hillary isn’t a criminal but Trump himself is. Biden isn’t mentally unfit, but Trump himself is. Haven’t we caught on yet? It’s the same con, the same projection, and America is about to fall for it all over again. To quote one of Trump’s own catchphrases – something I hardly ever do – there’s really only one word for this: Sad.

I wonder if the Romans were this smug when Rome fell. I’m seeing a lot of people revel in these attacks against Biden. Cenk, you’re great, but you’re never gonna be President. George, I’m a fan, but the guy who starred in Batman & Robin shouldn’t be giving anyone career advice.

Attacking Biden four months out from a potentially catastrophic election wasn’t edgy or clever. It certainly wasn’t wise. It was very, very far from tactically sound. I’m not an American national, so I’ll leave it for others to decide if it was ‘patriotic’… but, from a global perspective, what we’re seeing is a country handing its honour back to a criminal. America might not make it through another Trump term.

Tom Nichols summed it up:

“The real tragedy is that, in a serious country, Biden might step down without incident, and a normal race would continue, because decent people would have banished Trump from the public square long ago.”

I’ll risk being laughed at for saying it earnestly: Biden is a good guy. He is. Look into his history, look at what he has confronted and transcended in his life, and ask yourself how a weak coward like Trump would have fared under those same circumstances. Ask yourself who has integrity, who has character, and who is a fragile man-baby pretending to be tough while shadowy figures, like Miller and Bannon, and foreign rulers, like Putin and Kim Jong Un, merrily pull his strings.

Trump is not a good guy, and he’s not even a particularly capable bad guy. He’s just an empty guy. So sad.

It disgusted me to watch Biden being assaulted by his own party and by a wider network of media hacks and “activists” who may as well be on the GOP’s payroll. Some people are still enjoying this pile on. Well, enjoy four more years of the felon-in-chief. You won’t have anyone else to blame but your own mirrors. There are several reasons why this strategy is suicidal:

1. Perspective

Michael Moore once put a Ficus forward for political office to demonstrate that a plant was a stronger candidate than the opposition. The same applies here. In a choice between Trump and literally anyone – or anything – you don’t vote Trump.

 

2. Record

If anyone is still interested in being objective rather than kneejerk and emotional, the fact is, Biden has been a very successful president. In everything from birth control to gun safety (admittedly two things Republicans hate) Biden has been effective.

He has responded to the climate emergency with positive green initiatives that benefit rather than alienate farmers; he has given food producers a direct boost; he has relieved student debt; he has cracked down on cybercrime; he has repaired crumbling infrastructure; he has actually been tough with America’s foreign adversaries instead of just telling people he’s tough; he has strengthened the NATO alliance; he has lowered drug prices for families; and he has presided over skyrocketing employment figures. What do people want?

 

3. Comparison

Joe Biden’s opponent is not in the same league.

Besides being an outlaw and a rapist, Donald Trump was a rat-shit president who bailed out the rich while stifling minimum wage growth (i.e. directly betraying his supporters); refused to believe Covid-19 was a problem, even as record numbers of Americans lay dying (i.e. directly betraying his supporters); and cosied up to dictators eager to exploit the US (i.e. directly betraying his supporters).

History has judged him and there is little to redeem the Don from the ash heap of persistent failure. For his supporters, bringing him back is like cutting off your own hand to resurrect Voldemort. He’s never gonna be grateful.

I don’t understand how there was even a contest.

In the blue corner: A man who overcame personal tragedy to become a strong and empathetic leader when history needed him. Biden proved himself to be intelligent, measured, hardworking and kind. He remains a stable choice, surrounded by excellent people. His weakness – if it can be called that – was being undervalued by a nation that equates belligerence with heroism.

In the red corner: A man who was given everything by his rich daddy to become a petulant, vindictive, dishonest, sleazy, stupid criminal. Trump is a textbook illustration of what happens when narcissism goes unchecked. He’s a pathetic candidate, surrounded by nationalist extremists, proud Nazis and Christofascist thugs. Small of mind if not in stature, he only wants to get back into power to settle his grievances. He doesn’t give a damn about his flock. If this monster returns to the Oval Office, he will decimate and humiliate his country a second time.

And the Democrats who fight internally and let him waltz back in while they bitch about each other will have no right to complain on election night. They’ll have opened the door.

Both of the original candidates are probably too old for the gig. Both are older, in fact, than Bill Clinton is now. Both of the original candidates have some decline. Biden is slow and prone to gaffes. Trump is a raving half-wit who is obsessed with faucets and afraid of windmills.

One presided over a calm and prosperous America. The other turned his nation into a global punchline, betrayed his own base by favouring the wealthy, saluted North Korea, worshipped Russia, and pretended Covid wasn’t killing his own citizens.

One planned for the future and put initiatives into place that will continue to bear fruit and have a positive impact for decades to come. The other sticks his fingers in his ears whenever anyone mentions climate science, boasts about tax evasion, preys on the vulnerable, enjoys casual sexual assault, mocks American veterans, and gets a little coy if Jeffrey Epstein’s name comes up in an interview. Go figure.

One cared about voters. The other harasses poor people for donations to his personal legal fund.

One respected democracy. The other is a hypocrite and a sore loser who calls his opponents ‘snowflakes’ and then launches a coup when an election doesn’t go his way.

One wanted to be president. The other wants to be dictator for life.

For reasons that history will regard as insane, America chose to axe the former… and now the latter is laughing.

There is now, of course, a new candidate in the blue corner…. Fresh from her strong debate performance, Vice-President Kamala Harris is riding a wave of popularity, which, hopefully, extends into those crucial states I’ve mentioned above. That is where this contest will be decided. It doesn’t really matter if Los Angeles loves her.

While I’m unnerved by her repeated advocacy for the fracking industry, her militarism and her love of guns, I’m hooked on the poetry of Kamala, a seasoned prosecutor, stepping up to humble Trump, a seasoned gangster.

Nevertheless, the wisdom, or otherwise, of replacing a proven winner in President Biden remains to be seen. Further internal division will be terminal, so the Democrats better unite now and unite clearly.

Regardless of who steps into his shoes and into the Rose Garden, I’m happy to go on record and say that Biden deserved better. Clooney and I can agree to disagree. The Ides of March is an underrated Clooney film – most of his films are great, really – but the title feels somehow apt in the wake of this betrayal of the President by those who should have been defending him.

One thing we should all see now is the pattern.

‘Crooked’ Hillary.

‘Sleepy’ Joe.

It looks like they’re struggling to find something that sticks with Kamala, but they will….

Next time a stupid nickname comes up in the playground, let’s not fall for it again. Ten to one it will just be another example of Donald Trump deflecting from his own inadequacy.