Ed’s Desk is an occasional column in New Matilda where we let you in on an industry secret… we sub-edit a story in the mainstream press that has already been published, but probably shouldn’t have been. This edition, we look at a Sky News super scoop about a celebrity who had a problem with her hair.
[HEADLINE] Jennifer Lopez suffers hair malfunction, rips out her extension mid ‘Saturday Night Live’ performance
[BYLINE] By Emily Selleck
[INTRO] Jennifer Lopez has appeared to have an on-air mishap with a hair extension during a high-energy dance routine on ‘Saturday Night Live’.
[ED’S DESK] Hahaha, good one Emily! This may only be Sky News, but even we wouldn’t publish a story about a celebrity and her hair extension! But seriously… I’m pretty busy. If you have material to sub, please send it through.
[COPY] The show must go on. Jennifer Lopez appeared to suffer an on-air mishap when she was seen yanking a hair extension from her head during a performance on “Saturday Night Live.” The songstress, 54, was singing her new song “Can’t Get Enough” with Latto and REDMAN, who joined her on stage.
Oh shit… you’re serious. You’ve actually filed a story about a singer removing a hair extension during a live television performance…? And it’s nearly 500 words long. How ironic that I have no words.
Amid the high-energy choreography, one of her extensions seemingly came loose and she pulled it out on live TV. In true Lopez fashion, she didn’t miss a beat and continued performing in Studio 8H as if nothing had happened.
Emily… have you got nothing to do? Because if you need something to do, I can give you something to do? I need a fucking coffee for a start? How about a back scratch? And I need someone to move my car before the brown bombers ticket it again? I know you’ve only got a $60,000 communications degree under your belt, but with focus and determination, I reckon you can move my Datsun 180B 100 metres up the road without denting it. Let’s do this Emily!
“What a performer, shake it off and keep on! 👏👏” one fan wrote on social media. Another chimed in, “The show must go on. JLO ate up that performance 🔥.”
Oh ffs… Emily, you’re four sentences in, and you’ve already run out of things to write about. So you’ve gone for ‘audience reaction’ on social media. That really should have been a HUGE red flag to you when you were weighing up whether or not this actually was a story. Hint: it’s not.
The “Hustlers” actress cut a cool figure in a cropped white button-down, a cropped black jacket and matching black pants with cutouts.
Oh sweet Jesus… you’re commenting on what she was wearing by the fifth paragraph? The fucking story includes a video of the ‘incident’ – people can see what she’s fucking wearing. They don’t need a half-arsed description from a 20-something-year-old who uses ‘emoticons’ as part of the ‘word thingies’ that make up her ‘journamalism’. How about a comment from producers? Or some more audience reaction? Maybe phone a C-list celebrity, someone who was on Big Brother or The Apprentice or MAFS or who gives a fuck, and see if they’ll self-harm on camera?
The Feb. 3 episode was hosted by “The Bear” actress, Ayo Edebiri, who came under fire after a resurfaced clip showed her claiming that Lopez doesn’t know how to sing. During a 2020 appearance on the “Scam Goddess” podcast, the now-28-year-old joked that the Grammy nominee’s career was “one long scam.”
Right. Emily… we’re at the point of ‘disciplinary action’ now. I may only be a sub-editor, but I can still get you sacked. Bringing up an entirely unrelated incident that occurred four years ago doesn’t even qualify as ‘padding out your copy’. It just reads like you have dementia. Please delete.
“She thinks she’s on multiple tracks, but it’s not her,” Edebiri claimed at the time. “I think she thinks that she’s still good even though she’s not singing for most of these songs.”
Yeah… a direct quote that’s four years old isn’t going to save you either. Given this is a ‘news channel’, maybe we should try and secure comment that wasn’t first published several years before the Biden presidency started?
The Emmy winner also admitted that she was “fascinated” with the “On the Floor” chart topper’s career and “read up on” theories that she didn’t actually sing all of her music. “A lot of the write-ups of the songs will be like, ‘J. Lo didn’t have time to make it to the studio,’ like, ‘J. Lo was busy,’” she claimed. “It’s like, ‘Doing what?’ Not singing, obviously!”
Are we paying you by the word, Emily? Is that why you’re stretching this fucking train wreck out? Also… these quotes actually happened this week, so maybe run them before the quotes which happened in the previous decade?
Nevertheless, Edebiri addressed the controversy during a sketch. “It’s wrong to leave mean comments or post comments just for clout or run your mouth on a podcast and you don’t consider the impact because you’re 24 and stupid,” she said. “But I think I speak for everyone when I say from now on, we’re going to be a lot more thoughtful about what we post online.”
Oh fuck me… there’s a ‘moral’ to the story? Thanks Emily… honestly, what would we do without Generation Z?
Later in the show, Lopez sang the title track from her new album “This Is Me… Now,” while rocking a pink floral, floor-length gown with a daring split. Her ninth studio album is set to be released on Feb. 16, and is a sequel to her 2002 album, “This Is Me… Then,” which was inspired by her now-husband, Ben Affleck.
Ah well done, you got Ben Affleck’s name in there as well. That should improve the clusterfuck that is the SEO on this story. Seriously Emily, is this why you got into journalism? Please come and see me before you leave the office this evening. – Ed.
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